My Doggie

I always thought that if I got married to a man who loved dogs I would love dogs too. Well maybe I was thinking that I could get to know a particular dog and over the years learn to love it.

It seems I have done just that but it has taken no time at all to love Annie, my Malamute/Huskey mix. I love Annie and have decided that she is My dog. I talk to her, take her for walks, give her treats. I think of her when I'm not at home. Even her doggie smell and doggie breath are fine with me.

Pretty Worried

Pretty Worried
Originally uploaded by lamccain71

Probably overly shaded in the cheeks.

sketches

sketches
Originally uploaded by lamccain71

The mouths are curly Ms. I like the hair on the top right girl. I like the way the bottom girl curves.

Softly She Goes

Softly She Goes
Originally uploaded by lamccain71

Drawn with mechanical pencil. Scanned and then shaded with Photoshop CS5. It feels like a breakthrough.

Water Lady

scan0001
Originally uploaded by lamccain71

Some kind of sea princess.

7th

Originally uploaded by lamccain71

She's an insect lady. She was almost a snake.

6th

Originally uploaded by lamccain71

She looks like a Ruth Ann to me. I tried a neck and shoulders. She's wearing a strand of pearls like a young woman in the mythical 1950s.

Scrap Paper Sketch for Hair

Scrap Paper Sketch for Hair
Originally uploaded by lamccain71

Watched the 2nd video and tried this little sketch while sitting at the computer. Bad iPhone pic.

Five Senses and Inspiration

Seeing Hearing Tasting Smelling Feeling.

I just found what I'll call a reflective exercise at a blog called 'Abby Try Again.'  She calls it five senses Friday. Looks like all you do is write what you've been seeing, hearing, tasting, smelling and feeling that week.

Looks like a good way to prod me into blogging. Maybe I'll look around for other blogs I like and get inspired.

I learned about Abby Try Again by Googling Artful Blogging magazine.

Now I'm feeling like I should call my hubby and then get lunch.

3rd Face

3rd Face
Originally uploaded by lamccain71

She's grown up and she's bad.

2nd Face

2nd Face
Originally uploaded by lamccain71

I call this the second face. I'm doing Suzi Blu's Petite Dolls Beginner course online. I'm drawing faces.

She doesn't know.

This is just because

Because I said I was going to keep this journal/blog. I'll call it a jourlog. No I won't.

Got some rest today and I feel energized for work tomorrow.We work too much in this country and we have to or we're out on the streets.

My hair feels dirty and I'm not getting enough vegetables. And I don't like being away from Ernie.

I'm not making art.

I thought I might be a poet. I don't think
Or I do think
Too much  about too little
And I rarely do

Shifting to Nothing

So the focus is shifting. I've not been reading the Franklin book, but I have used the image of my face being one big eye. Sometimes I put the eye on the back of my head. It seems to energize and lift me out of my hips. Turning the feet in and twisting the opposite direction (one foot at a time) to stretch the hip flexors seems to be the key to relief of my low back problems.

Sometimes the face as eye  turns into face as clock and I think there must be something psychologically symbolic about that.

So this blog goes back to being about everything and nothing.

I believe I can make something real out of words and images.
I understand the need for some girls to dress up.
There's a clock ticking and it bothers me.
Two faces two faces two faces.

Tonight I like invisibility.

Balance Week 1: Eyes and Head

Exercises and imagery to try this week from Eric Franklin's "Conditioning for Dance." page 32.

1. Balance on 1 leg and notice eye movements.
2. Imagine the whole face is one big eye.
3. Imagine  eyes are on various parts of the your body.
4. Imagine a beam of light coming from the top of your head.

The idea here is that I feel so overwhelmed by the stuff I'm supposed to do that I realized I need to step back and focus on getting my body back in dancing shape.

That being said I'm overwhelmed by the book (see previous post).  so I need to do things very slowly. I'm starting with balance and we'll see how it goes  this week.

I think I'll have to try sticking to the face as one big eye for Tuesday.

By the way, last week was a leg strength breakthrough. It is indeed all about alignment, muscle spasms, and  trigger points.

Reading

I'm slowly reading the Franklin book (see previous post). 

So far I've gathered that it's possible to use the book to put together a conditioning workout using TheraBands. Franklin prescribes exercises specific to dance movement such as grand battement, arabesque etc. So far it doesn't seem as if I can easily skip to a place in the book where all the exercises are listed, thus I'm reading the book and picking up some ideas about movement that should make the exercises more meaningful when I finally get to them.
In the meantime I'm being aware of what my body is doing minute by minute. My lower back was extremely tight yesterday and the more standing I did the worse it felt.  Walking around the bookstore I began to consciously engage my pelvic floor and then the rest of my "core" using the method I learned from a Stott Pilates instructor. I was able to feel more freedom in my chest and neck and got a little relief in the lower back. I believe I felt the outward rotators relaxing slightly. There was something that felt like emotional release as well. I'm sure there must be an emotional component to  all of this.

Got some things put away at the house tonight. This process is so frustrating but I'm proud to have made a little more progress.

Get excited but not too excited!

 
I have a copy of Eric Franklin's "Conditioning for Dance." I've had it for years but have perused it only minimally. Now it seems that it can be really useful and I really need it. 





So upon looking through the book this time around it occurred to me that I can create my own conditioning program using concepts from that book and also 
Sally Fitt's Dance Kinesiology as well as
The Trigger Point Therapy Workbook by Clair Davies.


All the while blogging about it and making some little videos of the exercises I'm doing. Ambitious? Yes. But if I want to continue to be a dancer I have to do something to help myself get back to and then surpass mediocre. Maybe I can eventually teach what I learn to others.


I guess I want to pretend that I'm in school because I'm kind of jealous of all the scholarly things that the people around me are doing.


Do I have time for this? I don't know. I have to try don't I?
This could be yet another thing I say I'm going to do but don't and that's why I say 'get excited but not too excited.' You gotta do the work.
 

Small Bites

This blog or journal or whatever it is may not be turning out the way I planned but that's okay.
Today I woke up with a stiff lower back and declared that if I feel like this when I'm older I don't want to be around anymore.
Felt better upon being up and around. Read some more of the Trigger Point Therapy Workbook.
Felt assured that I can get over this weird body stuff.

Annie took me for a challenging walk.
I did a little of the Sharon Kahira dvd. Got tired on very little work.
Wrote a great tweet about being patient with myself. "Hey self. Please be patient with you. Keep believing that this is what you need. This is the process of becoming. This is you being forged."

Tweets don't seem to have urls.

Tomorrow I will.

In the morning.
Do low reps of crunches regular and oblique.
Lunge pose, Warrior 2, Warrior 1, Triangle.


Other things:

Maybe the Sheila character can be part Ernie.

My right leg tingles now. Medial knee area. So I sign off now.

Missing a few days

Not working out, not making a plan. Not delving into the world of great food preparation.
Not writing.
All of these negatives.
Didn't walk Annie. Didn't lift weights. Didn't do Wii Fit. Didn't hoop dance.
So many didn'ts. So many nots.

Anything good?
Moved a bookcase to another room.
Had powerful thoughts about not being afraid.
Ate an orange. Cleaned the sink.
Figured out a few new good stretches.

I feel funny now though. And inadequate.
Like I'm not working hard enough at life.
Time is slipping away and I'm wasting it.

Not going to pretend

All is quiet and I should be sleeping but I'm still up and awake, still feeling unnecessary tension in my muscles.
I want to let out a roar like a lion and just release everything that burdens me. I just tried it but still have the tension. Tried it a second time but it felt fake.

Needed today to reveal my plan about fixing my stubborn angry body for dance.

What did go well was

1. Making 4 breakfast burritos with spinach.
2. Steaming some broccoli to go with the potato broccoli dish I made the other day.
3. Cooking 3 pork chops on the Foreman grill (one of which I will take to work on Monday).

I guess I need a pic of one of these foods.

No Pictures. Could this be Sheila?

Nothing much to say this time. No pictures I like enough to post. I'm just not taking pictures like I used to.

Should I bring back Sheila? She was from a fictional town called Brandlesburg, Ohio and she worked in a candy store where they made the candy.She was going to solve crimes that weren't really crimes but I abandoned her.

Maybe she's still out there realizing that she didn't belong in a fake town and she didn't know anything about making candy. Could she be in Chicago or in Bloomington? Is she in Cincinnati at a Reds game? Is she believing in herself? Is she mad at me?

Just found my Seattle pictures so I'm taking back the bit about no pictures.

Stuck depending on me

I felt inspired today to write. I was listening to Decoder Ring Theatre's "Red Panda Adventures #59. I thought. I like stories. I want to tell stories. But now I'm stuck and afraid because the only stories I have are my own and either they are not exciting or tragic enough, or they're too personal.

How about one about clocks that won't stop ticking. Or silent bells. Or agoraphobic free-range chickens? or a woman who fails to punctuate correctly


An idea I've had for several years:
Does she deny reality so much that she wakes up in fantasy? What is real then? That sounds like it's been done. I wouldn't want to do anything that's already been done.

The world is underwater.

Will I have to shave my head when society has collapsed and I'm living like an urban nomad? Or will it fall out because of malnutrition.

Maybe I should write about all of my fears. All of them. Then I'd either find out that there's nothing to be afraid of or that there's a lot more to be afraid of.

How about an old picture that might magically turn out to be relevant? It's like they're all depending on me.

Late

It's almost midnight. I spent time downloading the 10 free songs granted to me by Emusic.com. Saved many things for later but downloaded a Harold Budd album. I think I used one of his songs for a piece in grad school. It think it was him. Steel guitars and ambiance. That was nine songs.
Then I found Band of Horses. I got "No One's Gonna Love You' which is an awesome song.

Listening to Single Cell Orchestra now as that was what was next on iTunes.

I am very sorry tonight that my Dad lost his wife. And I'm so sad that we are born to die.

In the meantime I need to figure out how to Skype my wedding.

In the meantime I think I'm fixing my tight hip flexors.

In the meantime here's a picture.

The Tentative Butterfly

on the floor in downward dog
thinking about not going to yoga tonight

thinking i would do downward dog and take 5 breaths

thinking of what to write tonight

thinking too much

thought of a blue butterfly

thought of the word tentative

THE TENTATIVE BUTTERFLY














I'd like to

1. choreograph a veil modern/belly fusion piece
2. make more mixed media art
3. organize my craft room
4. organize my clothing room
5. be in balance

from balance to foot to feet

Sunday for Real

Today was fairly well spent. I cleared some space. Not much but Rome wasn't built in a day or so they say.

I walked Annie and she stayed to the left of me for the most part when I had the leash in my left hand. This is progress.

What I'm proud of is the breakfast burritos I made for the next three days.

Now I'm working on some pasta and asparagus in pesto for lunch tomorrow.

I'm tired and need to stretch and relax.

I'd also like to plan my work for the week. Perhaps I'll sit down and do that when I get to the office tomorrow.

Oh big thing! I informed Kay that I'm planning to come back to Windfall. I'm assuming I'll do okay at the audition on May 15.

Saturday feels like Sunday

Because I was home sick on Friday. So this feels like Sunday, but happily it's not.
My birthday dinner with the Reeds and Haywoods was last night. It was fun. I got the grilled shrimp dinner. Shrimp on skewers, bed of rice, broccoli on the side. Got to thinking of menus and plates wondering "What would Chef Ramsay think?" See Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares.

We went back to Jr. and Darlene's and enjoyed the weather on the back porch. The Greene county folk talked about people from the past and where they were now. I don't know if I'll ever have that many stories to tell. Well I may have stories but my residencies have been so sort of fractured that there are a limited number of people with whom I still associate who would be 'in on them.' I've got undergrad stories that Karen and Lance and the people from Martin who I've friend-ed on Facebook get. Same with grad school stories. People com and go. I come and go too.

Trying not to judge the quality of writing here. Here in this entry, here in this blog. You can make it perfect or you can get it out there. Maybe both sometimes but ... The lazy ellipses.

I love my new house but it's still in dissaray. See photos.
I want to get stools and eat at the counter, but look at it!

What

can I do today to move toward greatness?

1. Put things away.
2. Gather clothes that make me look un-fabulous and put in Goodwill box.
3. Blog.

Birthday Girl for the Year

I have three minutes to post this entry.

This is my blog to prove (and document) what I can do with this life.

Let's go!


Me and my blogging workspace.