Not going to pretend

All is quiet and I should be sleeping but I'm still up and awake, still feeling unnecessary tension in my muscles.
I want to let out a roar like a lion and just release everything that burdens me. I just tried it but still have the tension. Tried it a second time but it felt fake.

Needed today to reveal my plan about fixing my stubborn angry body for dance.

What did go well was

1. Making 4 breakfast burritos with spinach.
2. Steaming some broccoli to go with the potato broccoli dish I made the other day.
3. Cooking 3 pork chops on the Foreman grill (one of which I will take to work on Monday).

I guess I need a pic of one of these foods.

No Pictures. Could this be Sheila?

Nothing much to say this time. No pictures I like enough to post. I'm just not taking pictures like I used to.

Should I bring back Sheila? She was from a fictional town called Brandlesburg, Ohio and she worked in a candy store where they made the candy.She was going to solve crimes that weren't really crimes but I abandoned her.

Maybe she's still out there realizing that she didn't belong in a fake town and she didn't know anything about making candy. Could she be in Chicago or in Bloomington? Is she in Cincinnati at a Reds game? Is she believing in herself? Is she mad at me?

Just found my Seattle pictures so I'm taking back the bit about no pictures.

Stuck depending on me

I felt inspired today to write. I was listening to Decoder Ring Theatre's "Red Panda Adventures #59. I thought. I like stories. I want to tell stories. But now I'm stuck and afraid because the only stories I have are my own and either they are not exciting or tragic enough, or they're too personal.

How about one about clocks that won't stop ticking. Or silent bells. Or agoraphobic free-range chickens? or a woman who fails to punctuate correctly


An idea I've had for several years:
Does she deny reality so much that she wakes up in fantasy? What is real then? That sounds like it's been done. I wouldn't want to do anything that's already been done.

The world is underwater.

Will I have to shave my head when society has collapsed and I'm living like an urban nomad? Or will it fall out because of malnutrition.

Maybe I should write about all of my fears. All of them. Then I'd either find out that there's nothing to be afraid of or that there's a lot more to be afraid of.

How about an old picture that might magically turn out to be relevant? It's like they're all depending on me.

Late

It's almost midnight. I spent time downloading the 10 free songs granted to me by Emusic.com. Saved many things for later but downloaded a Harold Budd album. I think I used one of his songs for a piece in grad school. It think it was him. Steel guitars and ambiance. That was nine songs.
Then I found Band of Horses. I got "No One's Gonna Love You' which is an awesome song.

Listening to Single Cell Orchestra now as that was what was next on iTunes.

I am very sorry tonight that my Dad lost his wife. And I'm so sad that we are born to die.

In the meantime I need to figure out how to Skype my wedding.

In the meantime I think I'm fixing my tight hip flexors.

In the meantime here's a picture.

The Tentative Butterfly

on the floor in downward dog
thinking about not going to yoga tonight

thinking i would do downward dog and take 5 breaths

thinking of what to write tonight

thinking too much

thought of a blue butterfly

thought of the word tentative

THE TENTATIVE BUTTERFLY














I'd like to

1. choreograph a veil modern/belly fusion piece
2. make more mixed media art
3. organize my craft room
4. organize my clothing room
5. be in balance

from balance to foot to feet

Sunday for Real

Today was fairly well spent. I cleared some space. Not much but Rome wasn't built in a day or so they say.

I walked Annie and she stayed to the left of me for the most part when I had the leash in my left hand. This is progress.

What I'm proud of is the breakfast burritos I made for the next three days.

Now I'm working on some pasta and asparagus in pesto for lunch tomorrow.

I'm tired and need to stretch and relax.

I'd also like to plan my work for the week. Perhaps I'll sit down and do that when I get to the office tomorrow.

Oh big thing! I informed Kay that I'm planning to come back to Windfall. I'm assuming I'll do okay at the audition on May 15.

Saturday feels like Sunday

Because I was home sick on Friday. So this feels like Sunday, but happily it's not.
My birthday dinner with the Reeds and Haywoods was last night. It was fun. I got the grilled shrimp dinner. Shrimp on skewers, bed of rice, broccoli on the side. Got to thinking of menus and plates wondering "What would Chef Ramsay think?" See Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares.

We went back to Jr. and Darlene's and enjoyed the weather on the back porch. The Greene county folk talked about people from the past and where they were now. I don't know if I'll ever have that many stories to tell. Well I may have stories but my residencies have been so sort of fractured that there are a limited number of people with whom I still associate who would be 'in on them.' I've got undergrad stories that Karen and Lance and the people from Martin who I've friend-ed on Facebook get. Same with grad school stories. People com and go. I come and go too.

Trying not to judge the quality of writing here. Here in this entry, here in this blog. You can make it perfect or you can get it out there. Maybe both sometimes but ... The lazy ellipses.

I love my new house but it's still in dissaray. See photos.
I want to get stools and eat at the counter, but look at it!

What

can I do today to move toward greatness?

1. Put things away.
2. Gather clothes that make me look un-fabulous and put in Goodwill box.
3. Blog.